Numb

I feel nothing as the katana is raised for the fatal blow...My mind is a blank sheet of paper...No thoughts, no emotions,no feelings... The ninja looks at me with pleading eyes...Yet I feel no compassion...I feel nothing at all...nothing at all...The sword flashes claret...solace...I feel my thoughts...now as  I see his severed head and the pool of crimson...My soul weeps...What have I done? The devil has taken over me again...  

Heart Analyzer

I stand in front of you. My legs are trembling as I stand here in front of you. I hold my heart in my hand. They call you a heart evaluator. They call you the 'wizened elder'. Yet you look so young. Now you're evaluating an old lady's heart humming a soft tune to yourself. My heart looks so small, compared to her. I could never have more love than her I thought. Now you look up with a bright smile and call me. It was finally my turn. "My,my" you said as you took my heart gingerly in yours, "Anjeline you're expression of love has increased double since you're last evaluation.This is incredible! Even adults take more than a lifetime for their capacity to love to increase in such a short time." I  was speechless and I  stood glowing there...warmth finally seeps in through my toes and my apprehension disappears...

The 'Real' Attention Seekers

They're everywhere...In the workplace now that you're working...Or the school you were in...These sort of people never leave your life...They're a staple right from childhood to adulthood... The ones I'm talking about? Well the wannabe celebs rich kids...The troubled teens...The 'cool and fashionable' as they call themselves...There are so many criterion for anyone to be a part of your group. They're friends are supposed to breath one particular sport (these days it's football) for the boys along with a hot girlfriend of course! For the girls, they should love make up, talk in fake accents...Be goody goody with everyone and stab them behind their back... Anyone who is not in this particular group...Is slandered at laughed at... If they tend to be righteous and stand up for things they believe in are ridiculed...Actually if we were to look a little closer, these 'point and laugh' people are the 'REAL' insecure ones...who are so addicted to attention...they'll do anything...even take a fall to get everyone's sympathies (has happened in my college)...they'll do anything to grab eyeballs...ANYTHING...  

Tithonus-Alfred Tennyson

The woods decay, the woods decay and fall, 

The vapours weep their burthen to the ground, 

Man comes and tills the field and lies beneath, 

And after many a summer dies the swan. 

Me only cruel immortality 

Consumes; I wither slowly in thine arms, 

Here at the quiet limit of the world, 

A white-hair'd shadow roaming like a dream 

The ever-silent spaces of the East, 

Far-folded mists, and gleaming halls of morn. 

Alas! for this gray shadow, once a man-- 

So glorious in his beauty and thy choice, 

Who madest him thy chosen, that he seem'd 

To his great heart none other than a God! 

I ask'd thee, "Give me immortality." 

Then didst thou grant mine asking with a smile, 

Like wealthy men who care not how they give. 

But thy strong Hours indignant work'd their wills, 

And beat me down and marr'd and wasted me, 

And tho' they could not end me, left me maim'd 

To dwell in presence of immortal youth, 

Immortal age beside immortal youth, 

And all I was in ashes. Can thy love 

Thy beauty, make amends, tho' even now, 

Close over us, the silver star, thy guide, 

Shines in those tremulous eyes that fill with tears 

To hear me? Let me go: take back thy gift: 

Why should a man desire in any way 

To vary from the kindly race of men, 

Or pass beyond the goal of ordinance 

Where all should pause, as is most meet for all? 

A soft air fans the cloud apart; there comes 

A glimpse of that dark world where I was born. 

Once more the old mysterious glimmer steals 

From any pure brows, and from thy shoulders pure, 

And bosom beating with a heart renew'd. 

Thy cheek begins to redden thro' the gloom, 

Thy sweet eyes brighten slowly close to mine, 

Ere yet they blind the stars, and the wild team 

Which love thee, yearning for thy yoke, arise, 

And shake the darkness from their loosen'd manes, 

And beat the twilight into flakes of fire. 

Lo! ever thus thou growest beautiful 

In silence, then before thine answer given 

Departest, and thy tears are on my cheek. 

Why wilt thou ever scare me with thy tears, 

And make me tremble lest a saying learnt, 

In days far-off, on that dark earth, be true? 

"The Gods themselves cannot recall their gifts." 

Ay me! ay me! with what another heart 

In days far-off, and with what other eyes 

I used to watch if I be he that watch'd 

The lucid outline forming round thee; saw 

The dim curls kindle into sunny rings; 

Changed with thy mystic change, and felt my blood 

Glow with the glow that slowly crimson'd all 

Thy presence and thy portals, while I lay, 

Mouth, forehead, eyelids, growing dewy-warm 

With kisses balmier than half-opening buds 

Of April, and could hear the lips that kiss'd 

Whispering I knew not what of wild and sweet, 

Like that strange song I heard Apollo sing, 

While Ilion like a mist rose into towers. 

Yet hold me not for ever in thine East; 

How can my nature longer mix with thine? 

Coldly thy rosy shadows bathe me, cold 

Are all thy lights, and cold my wrinkled feet 

Upon thy glimmering thresholds, when the steam 

Floats up from those dim fields about the homes 

Of happy men that have the power to die, 

And grassy barrows of the happier dead. 

Release me, and restore me to the ground; 

Thou seest all things, thou wilt see my grave: 

Thou wilt renew thy beauty morn by morn; 

I earth in earth forget these empty courts, 

And thee returning on thy silver wheels. 

Broken Mirrors

She saw her reflection break...into a thousand pieces before her eyes...She moved closer and touches the sterling surface.Not a single scratch...
The Sorcerer had said she thought with a sad smile that when her reflection breaks...Coldness would strike the kingdom and there will be no place for care and comfort to reside... The grey cold of indifference would shroud the kingdom till someone would find and piece together her reflection...

HEIGHT OF INDIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today because of Elspongie's child abuse case... I brought up the topic on my Facebook page for my blog and the shocking part was that no one was interested... Because I guess they grew up in cushy homes and the like... Spreading word is so hard... I mean 'The Youth Of Today' is supposed to be proactive in a lot of important things but reporting from my side all I can see is indifference...Like my environmental education textbook puts it NBY, 'Not In My Backyard'... These youth are still the same ones who verbally agree to all important things like conservation and prevention of domestic violence etc...But after they walk away no thoughts are given to such issues... I mean who takes care of everything... all the issues again the art community...We stand up for what we believe in unlike the normal people... It's just us... I guess we should stay nestled in the warmth we have created amongst ourselves rather than stay in this COLD COLD world of normal people...    

Lazy Hazy Afternoon

One With Myself

I bang against the box I'm in. The world outside pushes the lid harder. I want to get the outside the box and stay true to myself but this world wants to break me. They've locked up my true self far away from me and all I can sense in me is their oppressing rules, custom and their herd like social customs. They've even given me different masks like the ones they wear on different occasions. They're so fake even they themselves do not know their real selves, hidden behind the thick layer of make believe...
Oh... I long for myself... My true self with all its earthiness and freedom. My self that cares, loves and shows affection... I long... Oh how I long to be one with myself again...

Listless

The cold morning showers signal the start of a new day ,

Its September again my favorite time of the year,

But I feel so restless, so listless,

Without the warmth of familiarity, all passed into the void,

Only he remains, the only shred of familiarity,

All is lost leaving me so listless,

As listless when I lost my first song I ever wrote,

Or being forgotten by my own in a huge crowd,

The sounds of the world going on as if nothing has happened,

Nothing really matters,

Muffles my tears, muffles my emotions, my so called extra baggage,

So listless without emotions, my heart can't take it anymore,

Somewhere along the way it died, leaving me cold and empty,

An empty shell, if the world outside is bleak,

Then the world inside is more painful with all the darkness of Hades,

I fail to belong in both like Hamlet not knowing where to turn,

Whom to believe, whose lies to ignore,

The truth is never revealed, when it is revealed…

It leaves me so listless and undecided,

Whether to stay or to leave this last fragment of sanity,

Familiarity exists only in fragments,

Only in his soul, his heart,

My only pantomime to the world,

Of all the things I hold sacred,

Only he remains…

My Heart

You've been biting bullets all these years, I know

There beside yourself, choking back tears

And you aced avoiding possibility

When you made your bed upon the bittersweet

Oh now don't you worry

There's no need to be sorry

There's still time to step lightly

Cos the love you used to feel is still in there, inside

It may be the faded photograph, the lock of hair, don't hide

If you're scared, I'm here to hold you,

                                                                   If you get lost I'm here to guide you

                                                                    Love is peace when peace is fragile

                                                                     Love is all the good in you that still remains

Love is peace when peace is fragile

You've been going out of way to agree

Like you've been rubbing yourself all wrong just to be somebody else's genie

Catering to your disasters every need

Waiting to finally be set free

I said baby don't worry

Life will carry

Just take it slowly

~Poets Of The Fall-Fragile

Call me crazy but my heart speaks to me; ever since I can remember. Instead of a prick of conscience I hear a gentle and soft voice which shields me from the world, the neglect and the aberration. Neglected by a world which knows no worth of mine she embraces me from inside, never leaving my side; gently chiding me if I forget here. She sits on my shoulder garbed in white, charcoal black hair and ever warm black eyes. As I cry to sleep at night she gently puts my head on her lap and gently sings me to sleep. Call me crazy if you want but I know my heart loves me...