Self Injury

.

This is a work of fiction.Any similarity to persons living or dead (unless explicitly noted) is

merely coincidental

Its not about healthy,unhealthy...Its not about right or wrong...Its not about mental illness or getting attention...It is all about the mental and emotional trauma...Being a self harmer in the past I did not cut myself for pleasure...I did not cut to get attention,no one cared a damn anyway...I cut to just release the pain which gnawed at my being...As I was afraid of dying this came close enough...It was just that the pain would get too much sometimes, gnawing at my heart not allowing me to breathe...Family and friends did not bother at all...My 'therapist' said don't cut too deep or my job would be in danger...She threatened me to mind my ways or else she'll start giving me medication which would make me feel drowsy all throughout the day because I was getting out of hand...I got out of self injury all by myself it was a hard and difficult process but certainly not impossible...I started fighting for my choice in everything and used art as a way to heal...I have finally won my battle and I am trying to support and help anyone who is still self harming and is trying to stop...

Thoughts Of A Self-Harmer

Image By night-fate-stock

Drip...drip goes my blood on the floor...they're watching...Are they watching me? What I do to myself? Do they really care? Is this the only way to release this pent up pain? This feels so wrong...yet it feels so deliciously right...And I give in to this temptation every night...This dark and deadly temptation comes to me only in the night...the pain threatens to surface and I release it with these blood streams...Pain has been gnawing at my heart ever since I can remember...I want to die but I am scared of what lies on the other side...It feels like nirvana when the blood leaves my wrist...but when I wake in the morning I feel like a beast hurting myself...Why does the world only watch? Only watch this deadly symphony of blood and blade...No one stops me...No one cares...    

Ashamed To Be A Human Cookie Cutter

I’m at it again...tracing shapes on my skin with my blood...My blade is caked with blood from my previous cookie cutter moments...I am ashamed to be a human cookie cutter but over the years with no real friends...since I was ten...This is the only way I could release my pain...My family won’t bother...I was probably like a wild flower which grows by itself...neglected...I know my thoughts are not healthy...I know this even though no one has actually said it out loud...I have no way to end my pain...I heard that a suicide occurs every forty seconds....The world is such a cold and dreary unloved place...Ever since I can remember no one has told me out loud they love me...I probably think that I’m so worthless...I want to kill myself but I am afraid of it...so I’m a human cookie cutter...not a person...only a cookie cutter with no feelings...Am I really just a stone with no feelings?