My Blog is not supposed to be visually appealing...It stands for my beliefs...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sparks From The Past



The torrential rain increased from a slight drizzle of pattering rain drops to a full-fledged gushing stream. The water ran like rivulets across Tasha’s face. Yet she carried on sleeping soundly for the day had been too weary for her. The rivulet made its way down to her neck and to her hoodie soaking it thoroughly. It travelled down towards her scarlet shorts, her slender legs and finally seeped into the small piece of cardboard she slept on.
“I’m afraid we can’t keep you here anymore you are a danger to both yourself and our family” her step mother had said without any emotion. How her voice grated against her soul. Her step father had supported her, “You’re an unnatural being…unnatural to the point of being inhuman and we cannot grant you shelter here for fear of safety for our family.”  That had been the last straw her step father alienating himself from her. He had always been there for her…picked her up after her first disastrous attempt at trying to ride her bike. That’s when she had lost control, hot tears streamed down her eyes…her soul burning within her that everything she had been familiar with all was a lie…she had screamed and let loose her fury…she shook that quaint little cottage down to its foundations…loosed it from the earth and flung it away as far as she could…she wrenched the pathway from the ground and flung them aside She screamed and cursed at them and had run out destroying the whole street that was once her home…
^^^^^^^
Silvia stood up on the strong leafy branch of that old oak she had climbed and looked out towards the horizon for her tabby Kin. Her lime green dress billowed in the strong wind. It was getting windier and windier by the minute and she had begun to worry for a storm was brewing and she could feel it in her bones that this was going to be no small storm but a huge one.  The sky was rippled with hints of amber, russet and deep crimson… The sky looks like a bleeding painting. Oh Kin where are you? Hurry fast the storm is brewing and I know how helpless you are when it rains… she let out a deep sigh her golden hair fanning out behind her.
Silvia belonged to an ancient clan; members of which had electricity of high quantities flowing through their bodies and could generate and dispel any amount of electrical charge to others and their surroundings. Their history is muddled for their heritage goes back even before the earth came into being. Some said their ancestry was not so far behind and they were merely descendants of gods and some denied their existence. The Sähkölaitteet however were unperturbed by it for they had always been discreet of their powers. Silvia was the daughter of Ormund and Helvettica both masters of their powers. The Sähkölaitteet’s ancient enemy were the Greek gods of wind and rain.  Ninety thousand years ago there was a war between them and The Sähkölaitteet had vanquished them and taken control of the wind and rain. Now one by one the Gods were reappearing at a time when they were at their weakest. As the years of peace started rolling by, many of the clan’s members were lulled into a sense of security and decided to renounce their powers in exchange of a normal life. Silvia’s parents had also done the same. And so when Ridai paid them a visit they couldn’t defend themselves and Ormund had left Silvia in the street so that at least she may be saved. Ridai was not a pure god…nor was he a demi god… they never called themselves anything. All that the learned knew were that he had the gods in his ancestry and knew that there were many of them. Ridai’s true form was that of a human body with that of a snake but magic ran deep in their blood and so they could blend into the world of humans as if he were one of them. Now 20 years have passed and the baby has grown to a strong young woman.
Silvia smiled and waved towards Kin as soon as she saw him running towards her as fast as she can bearing a large sapphire ring. Silvia slid down the tree and nestled next to Kin smelling her fur, caressing and hugging her. How I missed you she said to her orange and black striped cat…Kin purred in happiness she had missed Silvia a lot too.
Silvia had sent her to her old childhood home to salvage the large sapphire ring that she is carrying now. It is the only crest of her ancient heritage that she has now and the only proof that she is a member of the Sähkölaitteet. For twenty years she had been on the streets and now she finally knew her heritage as her mother’s spirit had appeared before her few days back and had told her of her heritage and gave her some tutoring so that she may be able to utilise her powers better.
Her mother had appeared to her right in front of her rather than in a dream so she would believe her better… Her mother had said, “You are not as alone as before. There are rising stars of other tribes too who will help us in our quest and vengeance. Take heart and look for a mover…she you should follow however young she might be.” A mover? She thought, who is a mover? What does a mover do? What tribe could she be from? And to add to my woes I am only aware of my own tribe and not any other….
Thus the day passed…Silvia and Kin around a small campfire…the little area protected by the magic that Silvia’s mother had taught her; their features glowing a warm honey drenched in the firelight.

Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.William Shakespeare
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Omiaos looked towards the stars trying to decipher what future of him the hid. Oblivious to the attention they were getting the stars continued twinkling in the charcoal black night as if to say that he were no more significant than the next sand grain. “What news my friend?” he asked of Ridai as he strode in briskly in his human form. Smirking he turned himself into his original form and said, “Ï believe we found a mover. It is in fact her sheer power that betrays her presence and I daresay we are much much more powerful than her in strength as well as numbers.”
Omiaos turned his bull head towards Ridai and bellowed victoriously, “I am sure this time we will be victorious.There are none who have our experience and sheer spirit of youth will not always prevail…The end of the tribes has come and we the Qaqilal shall rule again.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^

Saturday, November 19, 2011

True To Yourself



Tum logon ki, 
is duniya meinHar kadam pe, insaan galat
Main sahi samajh ke jo bhi kahoon
Tum kehte ho galat, main galat hoon phir kaun sahi..
Marzi se jeene ki bhi mainKya tum sabko arzi doon 
Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpeMujhse bhi zyada haq hai
Saadda haq, aithe rakh

In this world of you people,
at every step, a human is wrong..
whatever I feel is right and say,
you call it wrong, if I'm wrong then who's right?
Should I send you a request
for me to live with my own wish?
means you all have a right on me
more than I do..
(it's) my right, put it here (give it to me)
~Sadda Haq
We bleed for society. We chain ourselves to a machine like existence where our feelings don't matter but only duty and customs and rituals matter. We bleed for a world which does not care even an ounce for us as an individual. We're supposed to live in this ideal world where everyone has a flawless set of values even if there is no evidence of it whatsoever around us. We should constantly restrict our identities and turn machine like.  It binds us like a bird chained to the ground...A bird is meant to fly not stay on the ground in sadness wondering at the flight of eagles against the azure sky and why shouldn't we be true to ourselves and break our chains? We long for flight...for freedom yet we suppress it in the hope that it makes us a better person...it actually makes you no different I fell you're just betraying yourself. I like to believe that however close we are to someone in the end we only have ourselves and how can we betray something like that?
  I used to fight being myself a long long time ago...I wanted to be someone else someone different than who I am...Needless to say other people saw right through me...I used to fight like hell enraged and in denial and after so many many years acceptance has made me tranquil...The world will try to break you...shake you...Sometimes even the ones you love and care for will desert you...much worse stab you in the back but always know that whoever you are whatever you maybe ...deep down you will always love yourself...


mann bole ke
rasmein jeene ka harjaana
duniya dushman sab begaana
inhe aag laga na
mann bole
mann bole
mann se jeena ya mar jaana haan

Heart says that..
customs are compensation (like a fee here) for living,
this world is enemy n all belongs to someone else..
burn them..
heart says..
heart says..
to live by the heart, or die...

Friday, November 18, 2011

Human Beings? I don't think so

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.
Allan Carr
Sometimes I feel as if we’re in this huge battle of civilizations. All clamouring for attention. Each one trying to establish that it is the finest no matter the cost. The Orients and Asians scream in defiance to Western Civilization while the so called Westerners cunningly try to dominate the world. And the Middle East is not so much as bothered; it prefers to stay behind the walls of its own traditions and principles…
Why do we have to live in such a tumultuous world where egos and our carnal and animalistic tendencies are given free range? A simple example, the TRPs of crime shows have gone so high up its a little disconcerting. And there are way too many to choose from forensics to the more perverse psychological thriller. The media feeds on negativity.be it crime shows, soap operas or reality TV…all scream negativity. In soap operas the mother in law always harasses the daughter in law, in reality TV there has to be a lot of flaring up cussing and fighting. And I wonder why we can’t behave as normal, sensible, responsible and mature human beings. Why do we have to always have to disagree? We HAVE to disagree about each other’s views, needs, religions, opinions and all the numerous little things…I could just go on and on about them. The point I feel is not much in disagreeing rather than the game of upmanship where a particular individual or group wants to establish their dominance over the minority. We love getting our egos stroked but I wonder why be so primeval about it…so beastly. We always scream out at the top of the lungs that we’re better than animals but then again why should we behave like them? I mean can’t we act more like actual human beings rather than a lack of animals with no sense and just accept each other? 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Mirrored



2nd Place

Kaleidoscope












The City...The city of dreams....cars flashing by, the buses honking away, the pedestrians jostling away, some trying to attract cabbies by offering to be ferried to long distances. Oblivious to the hustle and bustle surrounding her Shikha managed to get a short nap in the bus.
She was on her way to a cafe in colaba to meet her friend Emma who was in town after a gap of two years. She was not only looking forward to a hot slice of gossip, she wanted a scrumptious chunk of the brownie too, which Theobrama is famous for.
She was still heady with the aroma of hot chocolate she was imagining when she was jolted awake as the bus rumbled ahead. Still groggy she looks at her watch and realizes she is half an hour late. She shakes her head a little to clear her eyes and then realizes she isn't late she's half an hour early.
As she sees the Prince of Wales Museum approaching she decided to walk the stretch. She hops off the bus. Thanks to the humidity there are pearls of sweat trickling on her forehead. She sighs…

Like a compass needle she points herself to her north, the café. Looking at the green signal of the square, she waits patiently. As soon as it turns red, she walks towards regal.
As she looks at a poster of ‘’Smurfs’’’, she laughs off to herself as a memory comes flooding along. It was her first date and the two of them were so naïve and awkward around each other he had spilled her blueberry smoothie in trying to kiss her.
As she moves towards café Mondegar, a beautifully decorated horse cart crosses her path; she remembers her childhood horse cart rides with her father.
Shikha’s life not only comprised happy and light moments but her life was also shrouded by the stygian darkness of sorrow and pain. She has a dark side that no one has seen. Her mask of lightness and happiness is slowly disintegrating as her mind recalls the incidents lurking and hiding beneath her conscience. The ones she had supposedly forgotten.
Shikha is taken in by the gaudy bright bangles on a jewelry stand. She admires them for a while before a certain memory starts clouding her senses. When she sees equally gaudy and loud lipstick she could feel an elusive memory struggling to come to the surface. It felt like déjà vu. Towards her left were beautiful hand crafted sling bags. The tiny mirrors on the bag reflected her eye somewhere, a nose somewhere and somewhere an ear… Looking at her isolated abstract reflections, she remembered that her nose once had a huge ring on it. Her ears used to be weighed down by heavy rings and her eyes used to be constantly covered in thick black kohl.
She shakes her head to clear her mind, a habit of hers. She continues her walk. She comes across a book shop next to which spreads out a glares shop. Black, brown, green, yellow, her eyeball moved from one pair to another and stopped at a pair of aviators. She shrinks into herself and feels as she’s been violated….all over again. Voices thunder in her ears, cheap sleazy comments made to her over and over again. She could again feel the hungry gazes of men on her skin as a pedestrian brushed by her.
She comes back to her surroundings and moves forward. She thought it was ironic that a simple walk that started out to kill time turns into a walk in the deep alleys and dungeons of her memories.
The roadside clothes shops reminded her of a time where she was brutal to her own self because she too was treated that way. How her clothes were ripped off time and time again.
Realization dawned and one by one her memories fell into place like a cohesive jigsaw puzzle. She remembered what she had once been before and how she had fought hard to save herself from its vices and bindings. She had once been a prostitute. Her lips smeared with thick red lipstick. Her eyes used to be blackened with kohl. Her eyes were a loud pink. A large nose ring and ears weighed down by heavy jewelry. She used to wear extremely short revealing clothes.
Her mind was flooded with the feeling of heavy redemption. This was where she had flown fleetingly to freedom from cafe Leopold to café Churchill. This was the spot where she had struggled with her pimp and set herself free. And as she ran again to relive that moment of delirious victory she lauded herself on her courage to set herself free from the men who had tried to enslave her to the carnal pleasures of any man.
Reality hits her like a rainbow after a stormy day as she stood outside Theobrama. She thinks back to the previous Shikha and looks down at Shikha reborn. Now she hardly wears any make up at all and instead relied on her naturality. Gone were the days of revealing herself now she only wore tasteful attire. Gone were the days of enslavement she only listens to her heart now.
Now she is an independent woman who is so because of her courage to cast of her shackles and let in freedom. Shikha is a true woman. A true enigma. Her enigmatic past has been shrouded in the depths of time  
           

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Work In Progress

"Tell me," she said her sharp heel digging into his neck, her voice reminiscent of the kiss of a blade, firm yet with the added razor edge of a calm blade, "Will you spit at my boots again...Do you even know who I am???" At this she placed the tip of her blade at his neck, "I am the goddess of fate..."

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Eccentricize


Eccentricize...My original idea...It is still conceptual though we are trying very hard to get the first issue in order...We have a team of roughly 10 people who will oversee the cover, art work, layouts and the articles...The graphic aspect and the  written aspect and I personally guarantee that the team is completely dedicated to the cause and it is our magazine not only mine...Eccentricize is an unconventional magazine...It combines the lucidity of art and the prosaicness of writing to create something unique...something beautifully eccentric...Hence Eccentricize seeks to portray everyday ordinary things in a new light...a different light...The photographers, writers and everyone else is an artist first and that will shine through the magazine...The magazine strives to create awareness of  art and other issues which are necessarily taboo or some issues which are seen as normal but not right...It strives to create change...Change in attitudes, mindsets...It strives to give readers a platform to vent and speak their minds truly and completely and I honestly hope you will support our endeavor in making this a reality... 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Your mistakes do not define who you are...you are your own possibilities.. (Don't know the source of this one)
I should have been chasingthe continuation of my dream,but I got distracted by the peopleon this thin winding road.It’s not that I want to go backto the days of back then,I’m just searchingfor the sky I’ve lost…~Yui-Again (English)Full Metal Alchemist 

I'm worn out from crying, there's no place for me to ask questionsThough I'm lost and stumbling, I can't just stand stillThe smile that you gave to me, the fallen tearsThey touched a deep wound in my heart, and made it disappearI feel my soul, take me your way, that's right, everyone isAlways searching for that one thingIt wasn't by chance, and it wasn't a fake love eitherYou're right, all rightYou're right, all right, scared little boy~Yui-Feel My Soul


I just went through something which I felt I should share...This could happen to anyone...from the self-harmer to the perpetually depressed....From the stoic to the freely emotional...From the one with the hard hearted exterior but with the vulnerability of a child...To the one who feels like you're a failure no matter what you do...
I went through something crazy...cried for 150 seconds and realized I give a damn...I have been told by way too many people I'm psychologically unstable from my therapist to my all knowing family but I don't care...I give a damn...coz if following your heart and being nice..comforting and being passionate about hat u want...If your sadness and pain exceed your tolerance and you lash out at the world or at yourself is being psychological unstable..then so be it in your eyes but I will not believe it at all...What I believe is this...why should I be blind to someone else's flaws if they can't do the same to mine...I am not willing to be a doormat...There is nothing wrong with me...There's something wrong with the way the world perceives me...I will not change my self...I am not willing to be a doormat and if my all knowing well wishers think so...I am not willing to change it is your problem not yours...
Just half an hour ago I spoke to my cousin who suddenly stopped talking to me after I asked him about his health when he was sick and he said he did that because he thought there is something seriously flawed with me..Is being concerened about someone a serious flaw??? Bottom line: I don't give a damn

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Logic

A lot of people from a harassed doctor to an arrogantly incompetent engineer have tried to teach me logic...The reason being they don't agree with the fact that you need to be gentle with a self harmer or suicidal person...You are supposed to be harsh with them till the very end...If a person is hurting you're supposed to hurt them more...And this is sane logic??? ...So be it then the logic I speak of is futile....If you people say that killing a person because he or she is frustrated in life is right so then it is...You want to propagate murder and all things vile so be it its your wish....But you are not entitled to force your opinion on me and I will condemn your way of thinking to my dying day...It is so easy to look at a person and know what they should require but will you ever know what they need? Can you feel what they feel??? Can you think what they think????Will you be as passionate about some things that they feel passionate about??? Then how can you say that a lonely man should be left alone and a suicidal person should be killed...a self harmer should be cut more...hit more...hurt more...Pain does not fight pain...Pain does not cut pain...Care and support does but you think this way of thinking is flawed so be it...But this is animalistic...
So carry my ache and you will know the feelingInside I am weak but for this love I'm bearingSo breathe your life in my shades of greyOr kill the lights and we'll fade away~Poets Of The Fall-No End no Beginning
One of the people mentioned:http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=517172840&ref=ts

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Truth

Somewhere between an aunt who makes you tie your hair because SHE feels uncomfortable and a very close cousin who almost breaks your hand because you took his glasses and wants to send home a message...Somewhere between the quietness of people around the table where someone is wrongly hurting me with hurtful words (no noe says anything to stop the hurtful words)... I realized why this country is cursed...If you look closely you'll hear the sounds of the pained...the sorrowful forsaken...The people pretend to be sentimental...pretend to care but in the end all they do is aggravate the pain to fulfill their egos...The men here just want to massage their egos and hurt everyone else around them especially the women...They speak of equality...want to introduce the bill in the parliament but they themselves don't practice equality in their own homes...even supposedly modern families like mine who would probably think its all the girl's fault and condemn her in the case of sexual abuse... why should only a woman suffer the atrocities of society and men should rest easy...Its a hypocritic world i live in its just a cause of trying to be politically correct and showing the world that we are doing the right thing but closer to home the truth is much different...I'm writing this from the most civlised and safe city in the country so if I feel like this I really wonder about the rural areas...The state where the capital is located has one of the highest rates of female infanticide...A woman can never be truly independent here she is chained to the society, her family...The women are forsaken here...This place is cursed because it rings with the combined curses of all woman kind here...People pretend to be aware...gab to me about the rising economic rate and the like...Being an artist and thanks to :devart: I really know how the West is...It is easy to condemn the west without knowing anything about it...(they think everything is just sleaze and drugs in the america but it isn't)...It is easy to look at the fault of everyone else but your own... America talks about liberty and the pursuit of happiness but it does GIVE that to its people...On the other hand here people promise a lot od things but nothing ever gets done...Even the frigging roads..Here the police rape women...The politicians hoard black money and would do anything to divert the public's money to them...Also in terms of career choice respectable ones are only those of engineering and science...The Arts field is always pushed into the background...

Also, I heard a crazy story of a girl who get pregnant...She found out when she was 2 months...Her parents took her to a rural area to give birth to a child coz they didn't want "scars" of her abortion...And it would cause a problem in her marriage...Look how shallow our society is... What I find hard to believe is if she does undergo an abortion there will be no scars coz its just 2 months....Trust my countrymen to harp on petty and small matters and not the big picture... 

I often get criticized for my vociferous opinions against my country but they overlook the fact that I'm working very hard to get away from this hell hole in terms of career...And :devart: shall always be my permanent residence :heart: and I know all of you are my REAL friends regardless what other people say :hug:

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Tasha


I'm Tasha, a level thirteen psycho-kinetic...I've been moving things ever since I can remember since I was an infant but the funny part is I don't remember from where I am or what is my bloodline...The family who cared for me said that I was not their real child when I was attacked at home...Anyways getting to the point I had to leave home and take to the streets...Then this lady comes around trying to kill me...I've had ten people trying to kill me in the past month...I'm starting to wonder more and more about my bloodline...They would never have heard of me till then...I had always kept my telekinesis secret even at school...I would try to use it very discretely even if I was horribly vitriolic but now I guess I have to set my powers loose to protect myself... 
I admit I have a horrible temper but I do try my best to keep it in check but now I need to let loose...Even I'm surprised at what I did last time to that lady...I buried her by cracking open the earth I hope that should teach her a lesson not to mess with me ever again...

Monday, March 7, 2011

Tried to break her to a science
In an act of good defiance
I broke her heart.
There's a pull up on her theories
There's a watch her growing weary
I broke her heart.
Having heavy conversations
About the frivilous constellations of our souls. oh
We're just trying to find some meaning
In the things that we believe in
But we got some ways to go.
Of all of the things that she's ever said
She goes and says something that just knocks me dead.

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything down to chemicals?
But you can't explain a love like ours.

Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real.
Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real.

I tried pushing evolution
As the obvious conclusion off the start.
But it was all my own amusement
Saying love was an illusion of a hopeless heart.
Of all of the things that she's ever said
She goes and says something that knocks me dead.

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything down to chemicals?
But you can't explain a love like ours.

Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real.
Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real.

Of all of the things that she's ever said
She goes and says something that just knocks me dead

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything down to chemicals?
But you can't explain a love like ours.

Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real
Ooohhhh
It's the way we feel, yeh this is real 
~The Script-Science And Faith


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Marks Of Victory

"Look at me" she said softly to me through the mirror. "Your pain is real" she said. I looked at her she was completely covered in scars...Back from my cookie cutter days...Back from my suicidal days...Every wound that was inflicted on me throughout my life was imprinted on her..."You have grown stronger" she said, "I am the scars that you wanted to desperately wanted to see on your skin...Your marks of victory..."

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Bleed

Cut.Bleed.Hide.Cry
Scream at the world,
Scream for my existence,
I bleed to show I'm alive,
To let me know I'm real and I'm here,
My blood shows me the marks of my presence,
And the truth that I am here...I am here...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Traces

Blood filled memories,
My dancing razor days,
Cut,bleed,hide,
No traces remain,
How I wish they would have left marks on my skin,
Remembrance of my ordeal and victory,
And not just memories,
Which the world refuses to accept,
I wish there were traces on my skin,
Traces of my past to tell me I've won

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Letter

She held the withered rose to her heart...The Stradivarius leaned against the wall in a far corner, waiting...He might be gone but his memories remain...The wind blows through the window on that cold December day turning the pages of an old diary on the table...A page scrawled in red caught the girl's eye...She moved towards it and hesitantly stood near it...She was hesitant of touching something so sacred...When she read the words 'For you,sister'...She started reading the letter that was never given to her...
The world has been harsh towards you...It has tried to shatter you, every moment of your life...I tried to comfort you from the pain but you need someone to fight for you and break the pain before it could touch you...I have never thought I was ever a good brother to you...For one I could never protect you enough...I somehow know that I will not last long...My intuition is telling me I'll last only till May...Maybe you'll find someone to look after you but maybe not...If you don't, don't despair...You have everything you need in yourself...You're the strongest woman I have ever known...You have always been affectionate to the life around you...I sincerely pray and wish that you stay that way for the rest of my life...  

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Self Injury

.
This is a work of fiction.Any similarity to persons living or dead (unless explicitly noted) is
merely coincidental

Its not about healthy,unhealthy...Its not about right or wrong...Its not about mental illness or getting attention...It is all about the mental and emotional trauma...Being a self harmer in the past I did not cut myself for pleasure...I did not cut to get attention,no one cared a damn anyway...I cut to just release the pain which gnawed at my being...As I was afraid of dying this came close enough...It was just that the pain would get too much sometimes, gnawing at my heart not allowing me to breathe...Family and friends did not bother at all...My 'therapist' said don't cut too deep or my job would be in danger...She threatened me to mind my ways or else she'll start giving me medication which would make me feel drowsy all throughout the day because I was getting out of hand...I got out of self injury all by myself it was a hard and difficult process but certainly not impossible...I started fighting for my choice in everything and used art as a way to heal...I have finally won my battle and I am trying to support and help anyone who is still self harming and is trying to stop...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Darkness To Light

Darkness turn to light...Darkness turn to light...Darkness turn to light
She chanted, her hands outstretched in front of her...The sky answered, first by lighting an orb around her head...She continued her chant, eyes closed not noticing the world around her.All she wanted was the inky blackness to disappear. The Queen of the Sky came down,towards the girl.She gently placed one of her ivory hands on the girl's head and the other one on her heart.Her light flooded into her body."I light you from within," she answered to her chant,"Princess of Light.I have finally found the lost piece of my soul...You complete me..."   

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Thoughts Of A Self-Harmer

Image By night-fate-stock



Drip...drip goes my blood on the floor...they're watching...Are they watching me? What I do to myself? Do they really care? Is this the only way to release this pent up pain? This feels so wrong...yet it feels so deliciously right...And I give in to this temptation every night...This dark and deadly temptation comes to me only in the night...the pain threatens to surface and I release it with these blood streams...Pain has been gnawing at my heart ever since I can remember...I want to die but I am scared of what lies on the other side...It feels like nirvana when the blood leaves my wrist...but when I wake in the morning I feel like a beast hurting myself...Why does the world only watch? Only watch this deadly symphony of blood and blade...No one stops me...No one cares...    

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ashamed To Be A Human Cookie Cutter

I’m at it again...tracing shapes on my skin with my blood...My blade is caked with blood from my previous cookie cutter moments...I am ashamed to be a human cookie cutter but over the years with no real friends...since I was ten...This is the only way I could release my pain...My family won’t bother...I was probably like a wild flower which grows by itself...neglected...I know my thoughts are not healthy...I know this even though no one has actually said it out loud...I have no way to end my pain...I heard that a suicide occurs every forty seconds....The world is such a cold and dreary unloved place...Ever since I can remember no one has told me out loud they love me...I probably think that I’m so worthless...I want to kill myself but I am afraid of it...so I’m a human cookie cutter...not a person...only a cookie cutter with no feelings...Am I really just a stone with no feelings?   

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Imparting The Secret Part Two: Introducing The Law Of Attraction

I have discovered the Secret Of The World And It is imperative that each of you gets this knowledge... 
Introduction
As above, 
So below, 
As within, so without
~The Emerald Tablet circa 3000 BC



The Secret has long been used by the great scientists, the great artists in their favor...Sometimes knowingly but most of the time unknowingly...The secret had been shrouded by the dusts of time...For most of the ones who knew it did not want to part with it...Because they wanted to be the ones who wielded ultimate power...Years later Rhonda Byrne, In her book The Secret has finally revealed it after years of arduous and fervent effort...She wanted the secret to be revealed to each and everyone and I have been most fortunate to read her book...And I want to impart this knowledge to you...
I will go slowly...starting from the smallest part and moving on to the bigger and larger parts of the secret... For the ones who are still skeptical...The great scientist Albert Einstein also knew a part of the secret. This shows itself when he remarked once whether this was a loving universe...
Introducing The Law Of Attraction
According to the law of attraction, everything you think and feel is attracted towards you...The only catch to the law is that for every moment you need to really want what you feel...It is constant like the Law Of Gravity...For example, the law of gravity doesn't forget to act and that we don't go around floating in the air as astronauts...
The knowledge of the Law Of Attraction enables you to:
  • To choose what you want in your life...It’s almost like choosing from a catalogue...The moment you ask for something know that you will get it...Don't have any doubts... 
  • It boosts you're confidence and you can always bask in the lighter side of life and feel empowered...
  •  When faced with something bad you would be able to figure out that your strength of desire and fervor is not strong enough...

I strongly recommend that each of you apply this in your life...Know that however small or big your want is you will be able to get it...I am testimony to the fact...I've applied the Secret in my life and have prospered within a very short time

Imparting The Secret

I hold in my heart the knowledge from a book...I have in my knowledge ultimate magic...I hold in my hand the key to your ultimate genie...I have knowledge by which all of us can acquire whatever we want in life...Be it big or small...So, my golden and beautiful ones...Do you want me to impart this secret? This little piece of treasure which would change your life completely?Do you want me to impart to you the secret of life?

Friday, January 7, 2011

Worthiness

So now you’re stuck home crying over something that someone said. They tried to dub you a liar and judged your intense pain as false. Called you a lot of things. Tried to prove that you’re made of stone and have no feelings for others. They intensified your pain by increasing the intensity of arguments and accusations. It’s almost as if they wanted to prove you or your feelings never ever existed.
Most of us artists have felt this way, many a time. Don’t deny this, I know it’s true. I’ve faced this millions of times. Back in ninth grade, tenth grade and now again in twelfth grade. What I always say is that diamonds are rare, you find coal everywhere. Each of us in this community is adamantine. We are better than most of the world put together. We see things as they are, we speak our mind  and we are not of the  herd. We are our own people. We respect each other and do not deny each other their pain. We are the world’s healers, magicians. We heal through art. We capture thoughts, we create magic with our craft. We comfort with our craft. Being one with Art we know that the easel, desk, pen, charcoal, paintbrush, colors and our beautiful hands mean more than anything in the world. We are on a higher plane of consciousness where we solely live for the truth alone. We preserve human states of mind, emotions through our craft. We celebrate everything that is human. Our skills, our emotions. Our passion. We live art. We breathe art.
Regressing I see myself crying, scratching my face in frustration, cutting my wrist. No one picked me up, no one cared about me but I have survived through that. That pain was real. There is no two ways about it and now if anyone were to tell me it wasn’t real I will not believe them. I have learnt through experience to never share my pain with non-artists they just don’t understand. I am much much stronger than most women now. I am strong I know how to control my emotions and feelings. I have learnt how to be one with myself and know that I am the greatest friend of all to myself.  I have realized through my experiences that everyone is worthy. Everyone is of use to the world. And I believe in artists more so because we are the finest. Skilled and notice and care for the life around us. We may be the most slandered guild. We may be the most hated by the ordinary but we are the diamonds in this dust of coals. We love, are affectionate and do not slander. We don’t like someone or something we tell it right to their face. We’re not diplomatic two faces. We’re not slanderers we talk right to the face and never to the back.
Remember my dear deviants people will try to slander us. put us down. They will counteract every word of ours. Try to make us bleed and make us think that we are worthless. The world will ever strive to break us. Know that we are diamonds in this dust of coals. Know that we’re not earthly mortals, we’re not earthly ordinary laymen. We belong to the artistic guild, we’re on the highest plane of consciousness. Don’t let them pluck the wings of children of the sky. We are worth more than our weight in diamonds. I laugh at my foolishness of years ago when I thought I was lower than the meanest of worms. I know that the world tries to break me because of my worth. Because I’m a golden child. A child of the free sky.  A diamond set in platinum.          


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Vestrum Crimen

Twelve cuts,
With the thirteenth my life will ebb,
As my blood leaves my wrists,
your name comes to light as the cause...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Alone


My hands are outstretched in front of me. I put both my hands on the smooth cold glass. They’ve locked me inside again. I pull my teddy bear close to me for comfort. The nights feel so cold in an empty house. They say they love me but they're never there to comfort me during the night, the dark an cold...They leave me all alone with my fears...